Reg: “When’s my relief?”

Boyden: “Belt up Hollis.”

Reg: “But sir, I really am dying to go to the toilet.”

Boyden: “SIT DOWN!”

Reg: “Oh god…”

  *~*~*

Burnside: “That’s as good as a 1 legged man in an arse kicking competition!”

  *~*~*

Burnside: “That’s as good as a wooden-legged fireman!”

  *~*~*

*~*~*

A female prisoner is in labour in custody:

June: We need plenty of hot water and clean towels.

Matt: Ok...June, what for?

June: I don't know - I'll get the first aid book!

*~*~*

Meadows: That was a pink elephant, wasn't it?

Bolton: Yeah, it's one of the prizes for tonight.

Meadows: Good - thought i was losing it there for a moment.

*~*~*